I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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