I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize