Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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