i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
