just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
