yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this just has baby written all over it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
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Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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