It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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