Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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