I'm so fucking centered right now
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
