I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
