This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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