I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
