Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
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You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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