Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
