I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
