Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
