Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
