I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have tasted many bathrooms
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
