Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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