He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I looked at my own cervix.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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