i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
