First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
