i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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