go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
