i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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