and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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