Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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