Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
