literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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