Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
