I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
