Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
