We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
