your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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