White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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