he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
