Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
