The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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