life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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