yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
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I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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