we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
