we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
