So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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