That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
