Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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