I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
