I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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