Your mouth is God's brothel.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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