Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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