im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
