There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
