Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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