there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
