Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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