The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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