Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
