Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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