New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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