as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
