Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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