Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
