i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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