just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
