you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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