I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
