OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
