There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
