can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
