i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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