his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
