I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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