He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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