Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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