1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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