so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize