It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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