All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
