I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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