I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
